At the beginning of 2017, I made a vision board for the year as I usually do. I found a picture that looked like Party Barn and found the words "Be Unstoppable" and that was my vision! I had a vision for what we were going to do and I included him along the way, trying to take in his preferences. I worked very hard to help him first transition from the life as a race horse to the life as a pleasure riding horse, focusing on ground manners and getting him under saddle at the walk, trot and canter bitless. Then I focused on developing him bridleless. Then I developed a routine that would showcase our partnership. Only once in my life before, had I allowed myself so much time to develop a horse for myself and for a competition goal. I was able to travel with him and even took a leap of faith and did not teach lessons the month before the competition. I truly felt we were unstoppable. I have always felt free to dream and pursue crazy ideas! I can be all over the place, running in multiple directions with 100 of ideas at the same time and be perfectly comfortable with that! I can also get zeroed in on one thing and give it all I've got.
I guess I am fortunate to have never been stopped in my tracks before. I feel I was headed towards a goal, charging forward with all our combined energies and somehow hit a glass wall, BOOM! I was stopped. And two weeks later, as I felt like I was picking myself up off the ground and dusting myself off, refocusing what was next and letting go of the disappointment of missing the goal and the competition, it felt like the carpet was yanked out from underneath me and the floor crumbled beneath me and SPLAT, I was stopped yet again! And was facing surgery and more time for recovery!
A message? A sign? Just bad luck? I have no idea, even though I have thought about it for hours and hours. Why? Why me? Was I not supposed to go? What was I supposed to do now? What was the meaning in all this? Was this a waste of time? Was I selfish in my goal? Was this some big life lesson I needed?
I wish I could say I have some answers. I do know one good thing came out of all of this with little effort by me...I was given notice that there was going to be a TEDx Talk in the next town over and they were accepting speaker applications. I applied and got selected! So in Feb. I will get to step on the TEDx Augusta, GA stage and I will share one of my ideas worth sharing!
Life is a funny thing. Always taking twists and turns. It seems we are in control, directing and choosing our path and our experiences. I now think not. I do believe we have free will but I believe there is something greater than me. Something that wanted me to STOP! And from that, for now, I will proceed with caution but hopefully not with fear! Taking the step that seems doable that day (or that hour) and being kind to myself and being so very very very grateful for the people around me who help with my farm, my dogs, my house, my horses and my life's work! May I find peace in where I am at and courage to keep moving forward into this crazy thing called LIFE!