Day 4 and 5

Well I thought I was getting better and seemed like the pain was easing up, but no, I was wrong. Something in my shoulder made a pop sound and it’s been an unbelievable 24 hours of serious ouch. I took the heavier medicine (Dorm something) and that just kept me awake. So I called the dr office and this afternoon I stepped it up to the narcotics grade meds!! Finally, the sharp edge is gone. Still pain but not the rip-thru-me-catch-my-breath sort of pain. 

I have given up on the tough girl mantra and I am waving my white flag of surrender!!  I am sitting or laying down all day and night!! My body is confused and still and my brain was restless!  Now is it fuzzy and kinda numb. Appreciated side effects I am sure from the meds! 

It is for now, and I am giving in, giving up on my timeline and my plans and just taking it hour by hour. This is hard on many levels, but I have no idea of what else to do. 

But I am grateful!! For each friend who reaches out, who drops off food and who sends messages. I know I am blessed. I know I will heal and all the training is in Party Barn and he is getting some needed herd time. 

Feels like life has thrown me a check!  A STOP and regroup!  I am confused, disheartened and lost. 

For now I will surrender to sleep and be open for what’s next. For guidance as to where to focus next. What steps to take and when to do nothing and allow.  And I will remember the connection with PB!